we'd be unstoppable.

i'm in love.
                            and i don't care who knows it.

:D

..this is me now :)
just in case you didn't already know!

um hi :)
well i'm back at THos. i quit because of stupid stuff with the management ahead of myself. then i realized that getting a job that paid as much as that one was not going to happen. and since i've adjusted my flow of money/spending according to those somewhat bigger-than-normal paychecks, i fiscally can not handle anything less.
but i'm too proud to ask for my job back after the exit i made.
which is totally fine. because within two weeks, they were begging for me to come back :0)
so i have a meeting with fredy tomorrow. and we'll see what happens.

my family bought a puppy. cutest little thing ever. but house training him is SO HARD. the little guy pisses everywhere. especially when we all come home at once and he's all excited. but i just gave him his first bath and he's all soft and good-smelling!

i think i'm going to look into studying psychology. recently i've been doing a lot of talking and a lot of listening with people. and i think it's something that i might be good at. i reaize that it's not all about being a good listener or thinking you give great advice. everyone thinks that. it's way more. i googled it. and lately i've been lazy. i don't know what i want to do, but i also haven't really taken the time to figure it out. so here's step one i guess.

i got my first credit card. at first i was like, ok. only use it for gas. which is less than a hundred bucks a month. because i'm awesome :0) but then i bought the iPod Touch. and almost maxxed my card. ha. but seriously, COMPLETELY worth the $300. SO worth it. my mom went postal lol. but i know i have to be careful. and my credit is something that i want to keep good, especially in the beginning when i'm building it.
plus i want a new car. :0)

there's so many things i want to save money for. so many.
school. new car. cottage at sunset? trip to montana. nyc too. 

plus i have to keep paying for things i already have to pay for. it all totals to about $550 ish a month. so saving is hard when i'm trying to have a life simultaneously.

i've also got to stop watching shows on NatGeo and the History channel. the ones about global warming and the world ending. they're SO good, incredibley interesting, they're just scary. 
and i wish more people realized what effect our population is having on the environment. we, as humans just take it for granted. it's sad.

oh yeah,
i can't wait for summer.
ttyl <3

 i'm aware i've done this before.
but i wanna do it again. ha.

Step 1: Open up whatever MP3 program you use and add every song in your collection.
Step 2: Put it on random.
Step 3: Post the first line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarassing the song.
Step 4: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 5: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 6: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

1. We're talking away, I don't know what's left to say.
2. I said you might want to rethink your actions tonight because that short skirt replaces your innocence.
3. Don't hold yourself like that, you'll hurt your knees.
4. When the road gets dark, and you can no longer see... [the rest would give it away]
5 Yea man, ill smoke wit chu you know what im sayin?
6. Whenever I am near to you, I don't know quite what to do, my bosy starts shaking.
7. Whatcha got nw? Gotta gotta give it up.
8. Is this where the interstate ends?
9. Seems like it was yesterday, when saw your face.
10. I'm full of regret, of all the things that I have done and said.
11. What happened to Benny, what happened to his heart?
12. I love that how she breathes booze in the mornin'.
13. If I wrote you a symphony just to see how much you mean to me, what would you do?
14. It's the perfect time of day, it's the last day of your life.
15. I wanna run into someones' arms, lie on a bed of roses.
16. Carousels make laps each night like drunks, we spin until were sick.
17. Hey Mr. Curiousity. Is it true what they've been sayin about you, are you killing me?
18. All day, staring at the ceiling making friends with shadows on my walls.
19. I just remebered that time at the market, you snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart.
20. Hold up stop now let me get a look at ya, Damn girl I ain't seen you since prom.
21. You might not ever get rich, let me tell you it's better than digging a ditch.
22. How would it be if you and me, through our love, could improve the world?
23. Hangin out behind the club on the weekend, actin stupid getting drunk with my best friends.
24. I came back to get my things, thank you for getting the door.
25. Well guess who I saw today, standing outside my favorite cafe?

wow. these are REALLY hard. i'm sorry lol. just know that if you can get 10 of these you're sweet at life. honestly.

i've found over the past couple of months, that when i do things, i do them based on what other people will think about how i do them. if they'll think well of me, i do it one way. i base my choices on others' opinions of me. and lately i've stopped doing that.
i've been doing what I want to do. i've stopped caring if people will like me or not. and i've stopped putting up with other peoples' crap. it's different. it's made some situations better, and others' worse.

take for example, my job. i don't take anyone's shit = me being considered for the assistant manager position. my boss talked to me about it a while ago and it's really exciting. i'd be on salary [a damn good one too] and i'd work both nights and mornings, a variety that is very satisfying. i get sick of too much of one or the other. but i can't do that with school, so idk.. 

on the other hand, it's made my relationship with my parents go down the shitter. not terribly, but it's considerably different. they don't realize that i'm NINETEEN YEARS OLD. i'm not a child. i have a fulltime job, i go to school fulltime. i pay for my car insurance, cell phone, and loans every month. i have enough responsibilty to go around for now. and i hardly have any "me" time. but when i finally do have time, i get, "be home by four". and when i'm not home by four, i get, "don't go anywhere for a week". but see, i've gotten around that too. i just tell them i'm going to work, and i don't. ha. but that's not the point. the point is that i'm an adult, and i deserve to be treated as such. i'm responsible enough to not be stupid about what i do, so don't give me a time to be home. honestly.
i talk back a lot more now too. i'm done letting my dad walk all over me. because i've been doing it for too long. he needs to fucking remove the leash he's trying to keep on me.

another thing that i've come to realize is that i don't talk to any of my high school friends anymore. except for alicia. and even that's only two or three times a month. i mean i occasionally talk to jeff, or noelle, but other than that, no one. it's terrible. and i know that it happens to everyone when they graduate, but for some reason i thought we'd be different. idk, maybe everyone else in the world thinks that. i don't even know if it's just me that no one's talking too though. is it everyone else? i doubt it. sometimes i feel like there's more attachment with everyone else BUT me and alicia, because we joined in wayyy later than the rest of us, not until senior year really. and i don't mean that in a bad way. but everyone else had been friends for years before we jumped in. so there's more....something. idk i may be overthinking this. i hope i am. because it's sucky, i miss everyone so much :( 
sometimes i'll sit here and think it's my fault. after i left fredonia and was at home i made new friends around here with people from work and people i know through people at work. and now there's this whole other network of friends i have who have no clue who my friends were before. so when old friends come home, my new friends are like wow where have you been lately. it's a vicious circle i guess. i just don't want everyone to think i up and made new friends and don't care about them. 
i hate how this is. 
i hate not seeing anyone.
i hate how we all said we'd go downtown together on breaks and we still haven't.
i hate how now half of us either can't go because we aren't 21 [guys] or can't go because our boyfriends would be mad.
i just hate how we aren't truely "The Ten" anymore.

i've got so much more i could put into this entry. lately i've had so many things to stress about. 
i don't want to go back to school. at all. i hate school now. i hate my car. my [kind of] boyfriend's ex-gf won't fucking leave hime alone. i'm constantly being patronized by my father. my mother is ridiculous about life. i hate my car. i have no money. the list goes on.

if i expand on these we'll be here until next christmas. plus my fingers will hurt. so i'll spare both of us the pain.

but one good thing happened.
i had sex. and i'm not shy about it either, [clearly]. so ask me :] hehe.

it's probably a good thing i like to sit around and do nothing, because i'm going to be doing a lot of that for the next week. why? haha. i'm grounded. FUCKING GROUNDED. i feel like i'm 10 years old.

why am i grounded. well. i went out and my dad told me to be home at 4am. morgan strolled into the house at 7am. so dad wasn't too happy. and he grounded me. fucking a. there was so much that i wanted to do this week. lisa's halloween party was tonight, stephen's is on tuesday, and rachelle moves to montana next week, so i wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. i fucked myself over big time on this one. ugh.

but it's making me do all kinds of homework that otherwise i probably wouldn't have done. so that's good.

i took my second calc test today. i thought i did considerably better than on the first one, which i barely passed. he gives us the answers when we leave, so i wrote down all the ones i got so i could compare them. WOW. definitely bad. but there were a bunch where i think i could get partial credit. i think. idk. i didn't have time to do any of the extra credit for this test. so GAHH i suck. i'm thinking that unless i ace the last two tests, i'm in deep trouble mister. because the only grades we get in this class are the 4 tests. and extra credit.

besides that classes are going ok. i'm not worried about drama whatsoever. my college success class isn't too bad either. environmental could use some work. it's just that calc needs some fucking remodeling. ugh.

i've been working about 35 hours per week, which is why school is so hard. i might even start working more because our assistant manager is going to a different store.which means that the only management at my store is my manager and myself. it's going to get crazy. i really can't work much more than i am right now :\

things with joe [boy from environmental] have come, and gone. it was great when we started hanging out, but 2 weeks into it he wouldn't fucking leave me alone. i'm talking constant texts and phone calls, he came to visit me at work everyday i was there, the whole shot. and mind you, he lives in east aurora and drives a huge pickup, so going to my work almost everyday is not easy on the wallet. i told him that [really meaning that i didn't want him breathing down my neck 23857 hours per day] and he was like, ohhh no it's fine! so i'm like fucking great. i started acting different around him to see if he'd get the hint. and he did. lol. i told him i just didn't have time for anything right now, not so far away anyways. the only time we see each other is in school. it's not worth it. so now we're just friends. finally.

things with bobby are getting better all the time it seems. when i stopped texting him because i was kind of with joe, he started texting me a lot instead. and now we hang out more. and he texts me more. it's pretty good. i'm just worried he's not over hs ex gf yet. and i don't even like her. she's a slut [she hooked up with his younger brother right after they broke up. so yeah] idk. we'll see.

i miss the warm weather. i really do. but i like getting bundled up to go outside =)

and i finally have a car! i've had it for about three? weeks now. i love it. yep.

so there's this guy that comes into my work everyday. more than once. usually two or three times. he's cute. his sister comes in a lot too. a girl i work with, malarie, knows the sister. so last night i'm in the office counting drawers, and malarie comes FLYING into the office. she says, Large three sugar two cream[cute guy]'s sister just asked me if you had a boyfriend!! this cracks me up. i can't believe it. haha. it's funny because whenever he comes in all he does is stare at me. never says more than hi, just stares. and now he wants to know if i have a boyfriend.
well i don't. ha.
but i think this guy is like, 30. lol. at least, that's how old he looks. oh well, it's fun being chased by customers lol.

there's this boy named joe in my environmental science class. he's pretty much the cutest boy i have ever seen. no lie, he's afuckingdorable. and i always stare at him because he sits on the other side of the room. well after a few classes of that, he starts looking back, ad we catch each other all the time. then the one time i couldn't help but smile because he's so cute and i'm a freaking fool lol. so he smiles back! THEN. i hang back a little after class today to see if he does anything, and he catches up to me and just starts talking to me! he practically walked m to my car..OMGHE'SSOCUTEEE! he's super nice and i hope he talks to me again lol.

then there's bobby. i've known him for a while, and we're kind of in the talking/hanging out stage i guess. well seewhat happens though, he's shy and doesn't like to initiate the hanging out or whatever. and i'm the same way so it makes it hard lol.

FINALLY john. ex-boyfriend john, yes. he just randomly texted me last week, and so we started talking again. we're hanging out on friday. or we're supposed to at least. i'm not sure what'll happen with him. the only reason we broke up is because he didn't want a relationship. not because there were problems or anything. so i guess we'll have to wing it and see.

this is my problem all the time. it's either nothing at all, or five at a time. i pretty much hate it. but i'm trying to give them all the opportunity whie nothing is serious so i can decide.
just watch. out of all these options i'll end up with none. 
it always happens, just wait.

other than that everything is good. work is crazy and people are talking shit about me and my manager. whatever. they're clearly jealous. i don't mean that in a braggy way. but the asst. manager and a certain employee don't like that my manager and i are close. so they make shit up to try and get me into trouble. but it never works. if it keeps up someone's going to get a piece of my mind.

school. AH. fucking calculus i hate it. i JUST PASSED the first test.
i'm screwweddddd.
but i decided that i'm going to look int civil engineering next semester =) yay for decisions!

<STARTCOMPLAINT> 
ugh. i have so much to do and not enough time.

i need to learn how to say NO when people ask me to hang out or go out.
i need to learn how to do my homework no matter how tired i may be, because i don't have ANY other time.
i need to take less naps.
i need to pay more attention in Env.Sci. because i am currently not doing as well as i should be.
and finally, i need to realize that it's ok to be alone. i spend too much time trying to find someone to be with. and i don't have the time for a relationship anyways.

 i just HATE BEING ALONE. i FUCKING HATE IT.

with all that said, i must go do more homework. because i'd like to do other things today besides wallow in self-pity.
<ENDCOMPLAINT>

this is not a good day to be a sabres fan. briere: GONE. drury: GONE.
fuck me. if we're trying to save money, we better have some big fucking plans.
and it had to happen AFTER i bought a drury jersey. aye carumba.

so. at work. guess who's supervising this weekend. TWICE. 
ME =)

i'm basically really excited about it. kind of nervous, but nonetheless excited. i just really hope that everything goes well and it's not a weekend from hell. and on the bright side, i get to sleep in!!

i'm gaining weight. i know i am. my boobs are bigger for no reason. and my shorts are all tighter. and i can feel it too, in the way i sit or lay down. things lay differently now. shit. i should really start being more active, because all that i do is sit around my house and do nothing. then i go to work. and that, kids, is my life.

drums along the waterfront is, uhh holy early this year. it's definitely this friday. and it's usually not until august. this makes me mad because i wanted to go and wasn't expecting it for another month. but it made me go on the website and i watched some video feed of some of them, and it made me miss band so much. everything about it. the practices, the shows, flags, rifles, uniforms, bus rides, pit stops, trips, everything. even those ridiculous talks that mr. b used to have with us. I WANNA GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL.
kind of.

oh and ps. Alicia fucking died already. stupid thing. I HATE YOU TOO, OK?!

&& Things I'm Grateful for:
my boss.
my job.
MY RAISE!!
friends.
sabres [even though things have changed dramatically].
bigger boobs, even if it means i'm getting fatter.
recollection.
did i mention my RAISE!!!

a real entry!! are you ready?!

ok. where to begin. i'll make a list so i don't forget: cellphone, work, family, school, license/car, boys [or lack thereof].

ok cellphone. i finally got a new one because i can't take the old one i had anymore. i bought a motorola SLVR in Product Red. and it came with a sweet bluetooth headset. FOR CHEAP. pretty awesome. it took some getting used to of course, but now i like it. i just wish it had some of the random things that my old phone had, like a stopwatch or a music maker. AND sound recorder. i really miss that.

work has been really good. i really do love my job. so much in fact, that i worked 50 hours this past week and didn't mind one bit. and i asked for a raise. i really think i deserve one. i come in whenver my boss asks, i know how to do everything in the store, and i'm one of the best workers she has. it sounds braggy, but i know i deserve a raise. my boss and are are talking about it at work tomorrow.

after i moved in with my dad things got crazy with my mom. understandably she'd be upset. i knew that would happen but i thought: this, too shall pass. but it got worse. my dad wanted to stop paying my mom child support because now i live with him, only he can't do that unless he has custody of me, which he doesn't. but if he gets custody, then my mom has to pay support, which she refuses to do. that's a different situation in itself, and her reasons for refusing to pay my dad are understandable. but i'm not moving back in with my mom. the only way out of this mess is to get emancipated. that way no one has to pay. i think that's what i'll end up doing, but i hate the sound of that. to me it sounds like i'm running off away from my family [mainly my mother] but i'm not. i'm just doing it so no one has to pay child support and we can stop going to court. FUCK ME. i hate this. my mom and i fought really bad about this the other day. and she got me thinking about all of this. but i haven't told my dad yet :\

i don't remember what i've said about school in the fall, but i'm not looking, so you'll hear it again. ECC! lol. i'm just taking Gen Eds until i figure everything out. random classes though: history of WWII, psychology, calc II, environmental science, and drama and film. i'm basically excited.

let's just say this, FUCK YOU DRIVER'S TEST TESTERS!!!!!! the guy i got was a total prick. just a flat out jerk. he told me i wasn't using enough caution, wasn't using my mirrors right, making short left handed turns, blahblahblah. FUCK HIM. that's what i say. i probably could've used my mirrors more, but the rest of it he can shove up his ass. but i'm guessing the MAIN reason why i failed was because i fucked up my parallel park. ROYALLY. lol. but i rescheduled: July 6th! then i need a car. really bad.

so while i wrote this i decided against talking about the opposite sex, there's too much going on, and i feel like i can't do anything because of chris. it's not his fault, i'm kind of attached. and if it weren't for his current living situation, we'd be together. and we would've been together for months by now.
but just so you get an idea of how much of a mess this is, and so that you can see my problem, i'll give you the number of situations that i technically COULD do something about...4. i actually paused my writing this entry so i could count. and i'm holding it all off because of chris. because i really really like him, and i'm willing to wait for him. we'll see.

oh yeah and i miss the ten. like crazy. like you don't even know. they're all home and i haven't seen them all at once more than once. and it hurts.

&& Thing's I'm Grategul for:
summer and the beach and swimming and tanness.
the fact that i love my job, because no one else does really.
FANS. like, the oscillating kind.
my dad's side of the family and how they always make me feel better.
my grandma being ok.

<3

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT??
fucking bagel toaster at work.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
pictures of the sabres. david beckham. yankees. mirror. i'm working on this.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
talk. occasionally.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
mostly everything. except for country. favorite? john mayer.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
9:43 am.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
to be really rich so that i can pay for everything that i have to fucking pay for.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
fredonia.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
bearby. hehe =) 

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5' 4 ish

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
not really.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
nope i loveee the dark.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
UGH. myself really. because i was super late for work because i was misbehaving at noelle's the night before.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
doesn't really matter to me.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
somewhere cute. not in front of people.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
coffee.

17. FAVORITE PIZZA?
plain ol' cheese n pepperoni.

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
i'm actually not really hungry.

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
omg no. hey there's no number 19..

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
the stuffed bear i got when i was 6 months old that i sleep with every night still...bearby!

22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?
omg. you have no clue.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
nope.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
hmm. that's debatable. mostly everything, american eagle the most though. oh and JC penneys.

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
nope.

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
the nonexistant kind.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
of course..you can't help how you feel..

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
just say it. it's always worked for me lol.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED
75.

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
doesn't matter.

32. WHOSE NUMBER DO YOU CALL MOST OFTEN?
rachelle. 

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
canada & mexico

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
pretty eyes. you fucking kill me with those..

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
hmm. LETS LIST THEM. ryan miller, derek roy [sabres fucking count] howie day...

37. FIRST JOB?
T-HO's BITCH...and still goin strong!

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
HA yes.

41. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
idk. probably facebook lol.

40. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
nope. why are all the numbers so fucked up lol.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
my eyes.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
yep.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
an ipod.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
LOTS. at least 3.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My middle name is my Grandma's name.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
yep

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?.
umm idk the kind that cleans.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
sometimes

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
turkeyyyy

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
i don't think so..

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
yeah i guess lol

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
yes as much as people say they don't

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
no idea

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
idk and i'm not counting lol

62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
yup

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
not at all.   if you catch my drift.

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
MASHED POTATOES.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
hmm. funny. cuddly. honesty. responsibility.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
umm people at work have like 50 for me. morgo. captain. morgan freeman. family calls me morg. or ang.

68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
ugh idk.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
umm vanilla. i'm boring, i'm aware of this.

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
mhmm.

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
yep

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
swimming!

74. WHAT'S THE FASTEST YOU HAVE GONE IN A CAR?
lol idk. 

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
that's their perrogative. idk if i spelled that right. you get it.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
tv. it was an AAR concert but now its bowling for soup and i wanna change it.

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
coffee.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
lauren

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
eyes 

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
haha idk.

82. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR?
july

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?.
Brown/light brown.

86. EYE COLOR?
blueeee

87. FAVORITE SHOES?
flip flops.

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
mighty

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
red lobster

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
nope

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
AAR concert

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
idk a warm one at the beach

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
nope

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
democrat

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
both.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
relationships.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
an ice capp

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
boogie queen bandits

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE:
confusing beyond anyone's comprehension

Oh man. So much has been happening, and I haven't posted any of it, lol. 

I am officially accepted into ECC. It makes me laugh. When I got the 'big envelope'. Whatever, I'm just glad that I'm going back to school, because I miss it like crazy. I just want homework, and books to read and papers to write. That sounds crazy and I'm sure that once I do have homework again I'll be going crazy, but for now at least. That's all I want, homework.

Kyle = no more. Very randomly, I might add, he called me and told me, "Morgan, I've been thinking lately, and I don't think we should be more than 'just friends'." Yeah, fuckin sweet. He can't handle the distance, which is understandable. But he didn't even give it a real chance. Things would be so much easier when he's not at school. And with me getting my license and a car this summer, I don't know. He just isn't good at taking chances I guess. Or I'm just not worth it for him? I don't know.

So that happened I thiinnkkkk, tuesday? Maybe. So Wednesday night I went downtown with some of the girls from work, fully intending on hooking up [high school version, lol] with someone, because of everything that happened with Kyle. But I had to work at 5am. Whatever, I got tipsy anyways. So I did hook up with some guy from Medaille. Lol. We declared our love for each other and decided that we were married. He told me that I was too sweet of a girl to go to ECC, and that I should go to Medaille with him. And this wholeee time he's trying to get me to sleep with him sooo bad. It just mad me laugh, because I kept turning him down, lol. He was d-r-u-n-k off his ass, it was hilarious. Ahhh I love it downtown, lol.

But there's a boy at work that I've always been interested in, and now that I'm not "with" anyone, we'll see what happens. So far it's going good. He makes me laugh. And he's so fucking hot. AHHH.

Hmm. Not too much else. I'm trying to visit Fredonia again soon, because I fell like it's been a while, and I miss everyone. A lot.

Oh & Nicki & I are going to the John MAyer concert!! I'm SO FUCKING EXCITED for that. John Mayer is my absolute favorite ever. If there was only one artist/band that I could pick that would be the only music I could listen to for the rest of my life, it would be him. Yep.

Lately I've been liking the color green. But not just green, NEON green. Highliter green, if you will. I'm not sure why either. Because I used to not like it. Hmm.

The Backstreet Boys just came on in my iTunes shuffle. HA. That cracks me up. "I'll showw youuu the shaaappee of my heearrrtt"

& Things I'm Thankful For:
School.
The fact that it's almost SUMMER.
My phone working again.
The Sabres, and their being fucking awesome.
Rick DiPietro's B-E-A-UUUUUUtiful face =)
People at work.
Noelle working every weekend and coming home so I can see her!
Going downtown and not feeling bad the next morning about making out with some random guy. Who I am now Facebook friends with. AWKWARD, lol.

Not being at school for so long is starting to scare me. I'm afraid that I'll get too used to it and won't want to go back in the fall. But if I don't go back then I'll probably work at Tim Hortons for the rest of my life, and I don't want to do that. Even though my boss is making a 6-figure salary. Holy Crap.

Things with Kyle are going well. I spent the weekend at his house last week, met his parents and brother/sister. I love his family, they're so cute. His mom is crazy intimidating though. But I guess it's because Kyle's her first baby boyyy. It was like an interrogation lol. Their house is absolutely gorgeous. Kyle's dad either works for or owns a construction company, I'm not sure, but they built the house and moved in about a year ago. It's beautiful.

While I was there Kyle took me to see the musical at his high school. They did Beauty & the Beast. It was FUCKING AMAZING. Everything about it. The set, the casting, the pit, the lighting, the sound, everything. Perfection in a high school musical. And they spent a whoping $40,000 on it. Holy Hell. But it was nothing short of amazing. AND. Because so many people wanted to do the musical, it was double-casted. AND it showed for not one, but TWO weekends. We went to see it twice, the Sat matinee and the finale. It was cool because the two different casts did either show, so I got to kind of compare and contrast them. Let me say that the cast of the finale show was 10,000 times better than the matinee. And that's saying a lot, because the matinee cast blew me away. The boy who played Lumiere was my favorite. He was perfect for it. He had the French accent down perfect, and he was absolutely hilarious. 

They went so all-out for this musical, that they had stunt doubles. STUNT DOUBLES. In a fucking high school musical. And they had a harness that they lifted the characters in, and a fog machine backstage that set up scens perfectly. Something that took me a moment to realize was the lighting in the castle scenes. Since the castle is supposed to be a dark place, the lighting in those scenes [which is virtually the entire show] was almost nonexistant. It was soooo cool. It was so different to experience such clear details. Sure, Ersing put a lot of time and effort into our musicals, but this was just, out of this world. Ersing couldn't even TOUCH this musical. But I still love him =)

My phone? Yeah it's finally done. It's always been a piece of shit, and I finally put it over the cliff last night. Apparently, I got it wet somehow. I'm not exactly sure how this happened. But I was drunk, and didn't remember half of what went on when I woke up this morning. Haha. So AIM/Facebook it up kids =) [I threw in AIM for Noelle, who can't use Facebook until Easter =)]

I had Burger King today. Bacon Double Cheesburger. On Friday. During Lent. I apologized to God beforehand though. I knew I was doing it. But I had the drunk munchies, and I didn't give a fuck. If I didn't get food, I probably would've died, and we just happened to be driving past a BK. 

But after I ate it, I felt 45 pounds heavier. 

I miss summer so much it isn't even funny. I took my little sister for a walk today because it was nice, and I even wore my flip flops, and I just can't wait until it's nicer out. And I can't wait until my friends are back all the time. And I want to drive around with Noelle every night. And go to Kelsey's. And take pictured in the park. And go to Adventure Landing at midnight. 

And if everything with Kyle turns out well, I'll be seeing him more often as well. Which makes me happy, because he makes me happy =)

But his exgirlfriend won't stop talking to him. She posts on his Facebook wall ALL THE TIME. They aren't just innocent posts either. She's studying abroad or doing a foreign exchange student thing so she's in Europe, and has been there for quite some time, and she posts things like, "OMG I was mountain climbing yesterday [or some other crazy thing you would do in Europe] and I thought of you and I wished you were there and I miss you so much and I can't wait until I come home and get to see you!". A;LSKDJF;ASLKDFJ;ASLKD. LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE BITCH. It scares me. Chris tells me all the time that she has nothing on me, and that I have nothing to worry about, but I can't help it. Especially when I don't know what he's saying back to her. And I've always been so God damn insecure. Always. So this isn't anything new, but I just don't want to have to worry all the time. I want to say something to him, but I don't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it really is. And technically we aren't together, even though we act like we are, and I've met his family and stayed at his house. So I don't want to freak him out. But I have to know. I'm asking about it. I just decided that.

Thanks for talking me into it =)

Well, I'm going to watch TV until I go to bed, work in the AM. Hopefully fixing my phone/getting a new one.

& Things I'm Thankful For:
little siblings.
downtown Buffalo.
alcohol.
drunk Brittany Rola.
Burger King.
Marathons of That 70's Show that last forEVERRR. LOVE IT.

I haven't posted in a while, but nothing's really happened. Lol. Just work. Overtime this week, that's about as exciting as it gets.
So here's something fun to do. Or at least I thought it was fun.


Step 1: Open up whatever MP3 program you use and add every song in your collection.
Step 2: Put it on random.
Step 3: Post the first line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarassing the song.
Step 4: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 5: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 6: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

1. I can't blame if you wanna leave, because I'm not the man that I once used to be
2. I swear, by the moon and the stars and the sky
3. I've got it all, but I feel so deprived, I go up, I come down, and I'm emptier inside.
4. Oh, this is the start of something good, don't you agree?
5. I used to pride myself on being the other man, but now it's flipped and I don't want you with no other man.
6. Well he can't sleep at night, and he can't do what's right.
7. Oh, I love you...I do..I do    [sorry lol..that one's hard]
8. Rain falls quickly wetting my hair and clothes.
9. Everyday I try to play another game, but my heart can't take it.
10. I just remembered that time at the market, you snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart.
11. When your mind is a mess, so is mine, I can't sleep.
12. Strokes of dark, a brush of light, I watch you bring your canvas into light.
13. Come and lay right on my bed, sit and drink some wine, I'll try not to make you cry.
14. N***** in my face damn near er' day asking a million questions like "Joc where ya stay?" 
15. How can you see into my eyes, like open doors?
16. This may never start, we could fall apart, and I'd be your memory.
17. So lately, been wondering, who will be there to take my place?
18. Hello there, the angel from my nightmare, the shadow in the background of the morgue.
19. Everbody dance now.
20.  Hey girl, what yo' name is? Where ya from? Turn around who you came with?
21. Every single day, I walk down the street, I hear people say "Baby, so sweet."
22. I like Saturdays and the Rocket Summer, blue skies and the morning's air.
23. Is there anyone who ever remembers changing their minds from paint on a sign?
24. The other night I got arrested by the Karma Police and beat down.
25. Watch your mouth, oohh because your speech is slurred enough that you might just swallow your tongue.


I'm kind of happy with the songs that came up.
Although it didn't catch any of my Disney Song collection, lol.

gl =)

Last night was the Jack's Mannequin concert in Rochester. Probably the best time of my life.

I took the bus there, so I could see Kyle earlier. It was my first journey by bus. It was interesting. I got cursed by a homeless lady in the B-lo bus station, sat next to the cutest little black boy on the bus [along with his black-version-of-Hulk-Hogan dad], the bus was delayed a half an hour, when I finally got to Rochester, Kyle & I got lost looking for Water Street, when we finaly found Water Street, we couldn't find anywhere to park, and when we finally found somewhere to park, it was ten miles away from the Music Hall, and then on the way home to Buffalo, it was like the blizzard of the world.

And I'm a firm believer that all of the above happened in effect of the homeless lady cursing me.

But all in all, it was a fantastic night. I got to see Noelle & Nicki for the first time in foreverrrr. I miss them like crazy. The concert was a-fucking-mazing. And Andrew McMahon fucking CROWDSURFED. And then he fell down. And then he got back up. Haha. But it was awesome. And they opened with Holiday from Real, one of my favorites =) They played a lot of his earlier stuff too, from Something Corporate.

Seeing Kyle was amazing, as always. I think we're together. I think. We act like it anyways. Like, we held hands and kissed and all that stuff. In public. Sooo, I'm guessing we are? Idk lol. When people ask, I tell them he's my boyfriend. And he talks about me to his parents I found out. Because they said for him to tell me about the Sabres Game I missed. So he obviously told them about me, otherwise they wouldn't know that I love the Sabres. Hmm. 

It's OK. Because I talk to my parents about him too =)

I requested off for next weekend so I could surprise him at school for the weekend. Which went down the shitter when I found out that he'll still be in FL for spring break. UGH. I'll just switch it.

SO. This Sabres game I missed?!?! I probably picked the best game of the season to not watch. FUCK. HUUUUGE Brawl. And now, to top it all off, Drury has concussion symptoms. Fuckin' sweet. So we had to recall ANOTHER Forward from Rochester. There's only two of their forwards that we HAVEN'T recalled, lol. 

But the game's on again tonight. So I'm staying home and watching it.

loveyous.

& Things I'm Grateful for:
Coffee.
Jack's Mannequin.
Mapquest.
Marty =)
Cute outfits.
and Boyfriends <3
kind of. lol.

So. Yesterday was Valentine's Day. It started ok I guess. I woke up around 10:30 and just hung around. Talked to Kyle before I went to work at 2:30. Work was good though. I worked with really fun people. We basically goofed around all night. That's why I miss the night shift. But if I was always on it, I wouldn't have a life except work lol.

When I got home I talked to Kyle some more. The lucky boy, his classes were cancelled, and so he didn't have a test he was supposed to have, so him and his friends drank all day lol...but he was sober when I talked to him. And he goes, "Yeah so my Vday was awesome....but you know what would just top it off?"
"what's that?"
"if you would be my valentine =)"

This is my first Valentine's Day of having an actual Valentine =)

How fucking cute is he??!?! Oh, but wait it gets better =) Today, the day after Valentine's Day, I get a call from Alicia saying that she has to drop something off at my house. Ok. 
I go out to her car, and she gives me a Vday card from her....how cute! And then she goes, wait that's not it...and she hands me a bag with a vase of pink roses in it and says "these are from Kyle =)"

LSDFHADOIUBHEANGA;OEVHOIRHN;EOIRHOIFBHNDS'apojf'sl;kfa'j.

I can't even take it. He is so wonderful. SOWONDERFUL. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh.

But I'm kinda pissed. Because I decided I would send him a card, and I got it and wrote like a little note in it, and I put lipstick on and kissed it too, LMAO. Every time I think about the lipstick thing I laugh at myself lol. So, anyways, it was super cute and I knew he'd like it. Well, it's now the day after Valentine's Day, and he STILL hasn't gotten it. WHATTHEFUCK. I sent it out on MONDAY. Fuck you American Postal Service. But I also haven't talked to him today yet, so maybe he got it and I just don't know yet? Hmm. We'll have to see.

I figured out today that I like coffee. I didn't like it before, but now that I tried it I'm partial to it. It was soooo funny. I guess my body isn't used to the caffeine, because about ten minutes after I started drinking it, I was bouncing off the WALLS. I couldn't sit stillllll. And it was super slow when this happened, so there was nothing to do at all. I was going crazy. And the girls I work with were just laughing at me lol. It was funny =)

I'm going to sleepover at Fredonia tonight! I'm pretty excited, not gonna lie. I haven't been there in a couple weeks now, so it'll be good to see everyone again. I'm excited!

And yeah, last year this kid liked me, but I liked another boy, and decided to go for the one I liked. But the boy that I didn't go for never stopped liking me, and now that he knows I'm not in school anymore and that I'm home all the time,  HEWONT'TLEAVEMEALONE. And he asked me to go out to dinner on Vday. UGHHHHHH. Well, I had to work, thank God. I need to find a way to beat him off of me lol.

love yous.

& Things I'm grateful for:
Fredonia.
Pink roses.
FLEECE.
Backseat Goodbye.
Valentine's Day <3
and....Kyle =)

It's been a really long time since I've felt like someone truely cares about me. I don't mean friends, I have the best ones out there. I mean boys. lol.

But after last night I know that good things can and will happen. Kyle surprised me with a visit. The past 24 hours I have been in absolute euphoria. He, Alicia and Chris planned it all out, and have kept it from me for about two weeks. It was the best surprise I've ever gotten. I've missed him so so much, and getting to see him and spend the night with him was something that I really needed. Words can't even describe how excited and happy I was. 

The four of us, plus a large amount of the Medaille crew, all stayed in and played Pong in the hotel, and then kind of got busted lol. So the four of us went in Chris' room and watched TV until we fell asleep. I missed sleeping with Kyle [literally sleeping, kids. let's not get judgemental here.] Everything just feels so...RIGHT. That's a feeling that I've missed dearly. Then this morning we all just laid in bed until about 1:30 lol. And I definitely called into work lol. I'm so bad. I totally used my tailbone as an excuse. But now I have to bring in a doctor's note, soooo I don't know how I'm going to manage that one lol.

Alicia had to go to her little brother's hockey game, so Chris, Kyle and I went to McDonald's before I went home. It was..entertaining. I really love spending time with Kyle. He drives me crazy, but in a good way. When I'm with him I'm never not smiling or laughing. Never. AHHHHHHHHHH. He makes me SO fuckking happyyyyyy. EEEEEEEEkk.

Then when they dropped me off at home Kyle walked me to my door and kissed me. I swear to God he's the best boy ever. He really is. 

Wanna know the cutest thing? About two minutes after they dropped me off, Kyle texted me: "I miss you already :("

I feel like I deserve this. After everything I've been through lately, something is finally going right. To be able to wake up next to him this morning with his arms around me was the best feeling. And I love that. I'm such a hopeless romantic :)

My sister and I have a date with Cinderella II. And I have to work in the morning :( 

loveyous.

& Things I'm Grateful For:
Alicia & Chris. 
Surprises.
Cuddling.
Beer Pong Domination.
Kisses on the cheek.
& on the lips :)
but mostly right now,
Kyle <3

It has been snowing like crazy in Buffalo the past like, four days. Which is all fine and dandy because I kind of like the snow and I'm glad it finaly decided to show its face, lol. But now it's becoming a problem. Because I was supposed to visit in Fredonia today. But I can't. Why? One word: SNOW. There's so much of it, and driving is insanely dangerous. The past few days have been like this and I've been hoping it would stop so I could go to Fred. But of course, it hasn't.

Tonight I'm going to Alicia's house for dinner and the Sabres Game. It makes me really happy too because ever since she started going out with Chris and gone back to school we haven't gotten to spend as much time with her as I'd hoped. I'm not mad at her for it, but it just disappointed me a little. So I an very glad to be able to spend some "us" time with her tonight. We went downtown with some of her Medaille friends [who by the way are AWESOME] but it wasn't truely "us" time. And tonight's game should be good, it's against the Senators. Even though he hasn't been playing up to par lately, Miller'll probably start :( and not my Marty. Even though Marty has won the last two games he's gotten to start. =) I love him.

And she told me her and Chris have this huge surprise for me on Friday when we all go out with the Medaille crew again. And she won't tell me. UGH. It better be good that's all I have to say lol.

My tailbone has been absolutely killing me the past few days. So my mom made an appointment for the doctor last night. I go, and she checks it out, the whole shabang. Guess what it is. A FUCKING CYST. I have to be taking Ibuprofen like crazy and if it doesn't go down in about a week, I have to get surgery to get it removed. Which is going to be disgusting because it would have to heal from the inside, out. Which means they don't close it after the procedure. They just pack it with gauze. Fucking GROSS.

So let's hope for the best.

OK, this is kind of sad really. lol. My friend Kevin & I had this race the other day to see who could get to 1000 wall posts on Facebook first. We were both in the high 600s and we always say things like, HAHA I have 24 more than you!! So we decided to settle it and race to 1000. I created a group to have people not write on his wall, and when he saw it he copied me and created one that offered sexual favors for not writing on my wall lol. So basically our friends just kept posting on our walls hundreds of times trying to get us to win. His friends were writing stupid things though! Like, names of sports teams, crap like that. Pointless stuff. And my dear Christine posted 300 posts of movie quotes, pickup lines, Sabres quotes, etc. They were great. And there were a few other people that posted like 30 times. In conclusion, Kevin ended up gettin 1000 when I was at about 960. But after I read what his posts were, I told him that they had to be legitamte posts so he didn't win. Haha. THEN Britt had this marvelous idea to delete her and my comments off of his wall, so he would have less than 1000. Mwahahaha. So that made me win =)

Oh, and this was all done in less than 24 hours. lol.

loveyous.

 & Things I'm Grateful For:
AIM.
Soffee Shorts :)
Straighteners.
Medaille people.
Facebook.
BUFFALO SABRES =)

I went Downtown on Chippewa for the first time. It was quite fabulous, I must say. I'll probably become an addict =P I went with Alicia and some of the Medaille crew. We went to Liar's and it was awesome. Lots of dancing and...drinking =) It's crazy because you get marked with X's on your hands if you're under 21, but you could still go to the bar and buy drinks. They don't really look. The security guards said something about it lol. "Why do we put X's on their hands if they end up carrying around drinks all night anyways?"

So that was fun. And I ended up talking to Kyle drunk that night too. You can imagine how funny that was. I basically told him that I missed him like crazy and couldn't wait until I got to see him. That might not seem like that big of a deal, but I don't know it felt kind of weird. Because we're friends, and I like him, and he likes me, but we just don't say "I miss you" or "I can't wait to see you". But now after I said it that night we're saying it more to each other, which could be a good sign? And he's giving me IM kisses when he leaves =D

I was supposed to go to Snowball at the high school tonight, with my love Christine <3. But the weather decided to get crazy...you couldn't even see 20 feet in front of you. I reaaalllyyyy didn't want to get stuck at the high school. And my tailbone is killing me lately. And I have NO idea why. I need to go see the doctor =(  [Another thing I hate].

I'm watching the Sabres Game. It's pretty good. The past couple of days my boyfriend's been goalie [Marty <3] And he has been rocking at life. He made some seriously AWESOME saves it was craaazzzyy. but now Miller's back in net..he was on a break, he basically lost his groove, hence the four game losing streak. But he seems to be playing a lot better tonight, thank God.

The Cingular Intermission Report is on. I must be going =)

Things I'm Grateful for:
Clubs.
My husband =)
Bearby <3
Raisin Bran muffins.

OK. So this past weekend was absolutely PHENOMENAL. I was supposed to go to visit Kyle, but that didn't work out because of the transportation situation. AKA me not having a license/car. Which basically sucks because I was SO excited to go see him. So since I still had the entire weekend off, I decided to go to Fredonia and visit there.

That was probably the most fun weekend I have ever had in Fredonia. SO SO much fun. I got there around 3pm on Friday, and just hung out with Kristin and Suz for a while. I ran into Brian and went over to Chautauqua to visit people with him. I didn't tell anyone that I was visiting except for Kristin, Suz, and Brittany, so everyone was really surprised. lol. 

Then me and the girls in our hallway got ready to go out, and Me, Kristin and Suz went to 154 like old times. It was absolutely amazing. I really missed walking through the doors and being greeted by 25-30 drunk people. Haha. And it was even worse because no one knew I was coming..so the reactions were awesome. And I met this boy there...he's a transfer student from ECC and he lives in East Aurora. His name is Jonathan. Now, when I first met him, I thought he was really hott, and he fucking is, but nothing really crossed my mind other than that. I wasn't about to start talking to him and all that stuff. But HE started talking to ME. Then I found out that he moved into Jonny and Danny's suite.

So that night was good. I was pretty drunk, as I usually am at 154. The next morning the girls and I went to Erie for some B-fast. It was glorious. Then we just hung around. I got a call from Danny saying that, apparently Jonathan had been asking about me after he found out that me and Danny were so close. Hmmm...

So a huge group of us went to this house party on Saturday night. It was my first ever encounter with Jungle Juice. Let me just say, that shit FUCKS YOU UP. But it's really good. That's why you get so drunk lol you can't stop drinking it because you can't taste the insane amount of booze in it.

But anyways. Jonathan pretty much lays it out that he thinks I'm adorable, have the most gorgeous blue eyes, and the cutest laugh. FYI- I hate my laugh. Why do guys like it? I think it's annoying. ANYWAYS. I'm just gonna cut to the chase...lol we made out hardcore later that night and I slept in his bed.

But don't jump to any conclusions. I have thusfar in my life kept my legs closed, and have still, thank you very much =) You want to know what I really like about Jonathan though? He didn't even try anything. NOTHING. He didn't even go anywhere near my butt. And we talked for a really long time that night too, and he's a really interesting person. It only helps that he's the most gorgeous person I've ever met. 

Oh and guess what his major is.....PreDental Biology. WTF?!?! lol. I was sOOOOO not expecting that from him. He said he wanted to go PreMed, but it was too hard and too long to be in school. Word to that, yo. 

So it was a great weekend. But now I don't know what to do. I figured that if Jonathan didn't show any interest after I left Fredonia this weekend, I'd peg it as just a hook up and leave it at that, but he texted me after I left telling me that he was glad he met me and that he's sad that I don't still go there...and then he IMed me when I got home and we talked for a while.

But what about Kyle? I mean, this weekend was going to be about HIM to begin with. I know that I don't have any attachments to him, and that we aren't together, and that I'm still single and can do what I want. But I don't know. There's still a small part of me that feels awkwardly guilty about Jonathan. 

BUT I LIKE HIM TOO.

Fuck this. lol. I hate being torn. I know this isn't really a huge deal, but...ehhh. Haha when I explained all of this to Brittany she said, "Well you can live a double life! You have a guaranteed hook up in Syracuse AND one in Fredonia! Be happy!!"

LMAO. She would say that. Idk. I guess we shall see where each road leads. Its kind of like Pocahontas lol. The part where she's singing "Just Around the Riverbend" and shes at the part of the river wwhere it separates and one part is smooth and the other is rough. Only I'm not sure which boy is which part of the river lol.

Hmmm that was quite long ha. Kudos to you if you've lasted this long =) 



loveyous.


Things I'm Grateful for:
jason mraz.
AWESOME friends no matter where I go.
154.
Tylenol.
good smelling candles.
MySpace Tom for having a Facebook too. He's fucking sweet.